


Strength To Carry On

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-08-23
Updated: 2000-08-23
Packaged: 2019-05-15 01:23:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14780969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Abbey finds out she has cancer.





	1. Strength To Carry On

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

Strength to Carry On by AJ

Notes: Sequel time. This is the sequel to Under the Weather. I keep getting threatened, so I figured I'd post it, since I have the first part and all. It begins where Under the Weather ends. Disclaimer: A girl can dream....can't she?

Spoilers: Abbey found out she has cancer.

Abbey dropped the phone as those words replayed through her head. As they were bound to be replayed through her head for days, weeks, possibly years to come. You have cancer.

Abbey had been looking at Jed for support when the phone call came through, but now ... She couldn't dare look at him. Those words still replaying through her head, her knees got week, and gave though as she crashed down on the bed. As her head hit the pillow, she began to cry. Then she pulled another pillow over the top of her head, to shut her out from the world, just as she felt she already was.

Jed watched his wife drop the phone. He watched her crash down on the bed. He watched her throw a pillow over her as she cried her eyes out. As he watched all of this, his heart broke into a million pieces. He walked over and picked the phone up to his ear.

"Doctor are you still there?"

"Mr. President, yes, I am still here."

"Is there anything else?" Jed asked as he looked at the weeping form of his wife.

"I would still like for Mrs. Bartlet to come in. We need to talk about possible treatments."

"Okay, I'll have someone setup an appointment. Thank you doctor." Jed hung the phone up. As he stood there, he felt so helpless. He looked over at his wife, and then climbed into the bed with her. He removed the pillow covering her face, and gathered her body up into his.

She continued to weep into his arms, as he began to cry into hers, himself. "It's gonna be just fine. It has to be."

"How the hell is it supposed to be fine? I have cancer. CANCER! I'm not gonna be just fine." Abbey snapped back at her husband.

"It's going to be fine, because I love you, and I can't loose you. You're gonna come through this with flying colors. I can't loose you."

"I don't think I can do it, Jed."

"Do what?"

"Find the strength to carry on."

"That's where I come in." Jed said as he reached for the remote control for the stereo. He had already placed one of Abbey's CD's in it, and had it all ready, just in case. When he pressed play, the song I'll be, by Reba McEntire began to play.

When darkness falls upon your heart and soul I'll be the light that shines for you When you forget how beautiful you are I'll be there to remind you

Jed reached his hand up and began to wipe her tears away. He then moved on to caress her cheeks.

When you can't find your way I'll find my way to you When troubles come around I will come to you

Seeing a piece of hair fall out of place, Jed moved his hand from her cheek, and brushed the loose strand behind her ear.

I'll be your shoulder When you need someone to lean on Be your shelter When you need someone to see you through I'll be there to carry you I'll be there I'll be the rock that you be strong for you The one that will hold on to you When you feel that rain falling down When there's nobody else around I'll be

Moving along, Jed began to trace Abbey's face. His hand came to rest on her lips, as she kissed it ever so slightly.

And when you're there with no one there to hold I'll be the arms that reach for you And when you feel your faith is running low I'll be there to believe in you When all you find are lies I'll be the truth you need When you need someone to run to You can run to me

As they looked deep into each other's eyes, into their souls, Jed moved his hand away from her lips, as he moved his lips in.

I'll be your shoulder When you need someone to lean on Be your shelter When you need someone to see you through I'll be there to carry you I'll be there I'll be the rock that you be strong for you The one that will hold on to you When you feel that rain falling down When there's nobody else around I'll be

I'll be the sun When your heart's filled with rain I'll be the one To chase the rain away

When the kiss broke, Jed brushed his fingers through her hair with one hand, as the other wiped the tears away that had begun to fall from her cheeks again.

I'll be your shoulder When you need someone to lean on Be your shelter When you need someone to see you through I'll be there to carry you I'll be there I'll be the rock that you be strong for you The one that will hold on to you When you feel that rain falling down When there's nobody else around I'll be I'll be

At the end of the song, the two joined in a very strong embrace that lasted for hours.

TBC

  

  


	2. Strength To Carry On 2

Strength to Carry On

by AJ

Jed and Abbey had fallen asleep, as they were exhausted from the news they received. There they laid hours later, still in each other's arms. Abbey was the first to wake up. She untangled herself from her husbands loving arms and went over to the radio.

Quietly, she replayed the song over and over again. She needed to hear those words; she needed it as much as she needed the breaths she took. Those words, they weren't Reba McEntire's words. They weren't the author's, Diane Warren's words. They were Jed's words. Jed's words that she needed to hear. Jed's words that he needed to say. They were the things he was feeling, the things she needed him to be feeling. In order to get through this ordeal, she knew that one of them needed to be strong. She knew there was not a chance that it was going to be her ... which just left Jed.

After about the fifth time listening to the song, she looked over at her sleeping husband. She loved him so much, and he loved her. She knew he loved her. He said that he would go on loving her no matter what, but would that really be the case? He doesn't know what they are about to get in to. He has never known anyone who has gone through what she was about to go through. He hasn't seen the heartbreaks caused by going though this kind of thing.

When Jed woke up, his wife wasn't in his arms, like he wanted her to be. Like he needed her to be. He quickly sat up and looked around the room. Abbey was no where in sight. He got up and went into the bathroom, maybe she was in there. No such luck. As he walked back into the bathroom, he looked over on his nightstand. There was a letter, with her handwriting on it.

He went over to the letter and picked it up. As it got closer to his face, he smelled her perfume coming from it. He lifted it up to his nose and took it all in. Then he held it back down, in front of him. He looked at the front of the folded up piece of paper.

Jed

That's all it said, was Jed. He went to open the letter up, but hesitated in doing so. Did he really want to know what was on the inside of it? Yes, he did. He needed to know. He didn't want to know, he needed to know. He tore open that letter and began to silently read it.

TBC

  


	3. Strength To Carry On 3

Strength to Carry On

by AJ

When Abbey left her bedroom, her husband, the White House, she needed her space. She needed to go somewhere private. Somewhere special. She had a lot of things to think about, and she just wasn't getting any of it done at the White House.

She climbed into a limo and gave the driver very explicit instructions on how to get where she wanted to go. She spent the car ride doing absolutely nothing. She wasn't talking. She wasn't listening. She wasn't even thinking. She was just sitting in a vehicle, being driven into Virginia.

About an hour later, the limousine came to a stop in front of a very old log cabin. Abbey climbed out of it and ordered that the driver drive away. He did as he was told, after he fished Abbey's suitcase out of the trunk of the limo.

Before entering the log cabin, Abbey watched as the limo drove away. Then she caught sight of the many secret service agents all around her. She gave a loud sigh as she walked over to the head of her detail.

"Matt, don't tell anyone where I am. I don't want anyone, and I mean anyone to find me. Do you understand?"

"Yes ma'am." The middle aged man looked at the First Lady.

"And I don't want to be bothered either. You got that? No one is to come inside this lodge. No one."

"We have our own lodge, ma'am."

"Okay, well thanks for understanding." Abbey turned on her heals and paraded for the door of the cabin.

Standing at the door, she turned around to face the outside as she breathed in the fresh mountain air. Then she slowly opened the door and began to enter. She stopped almost immediately and reached for a light switch. Flipping it up, the lights came on as they were supposed to.

Abbey took her suitcase and went into the back bedroom, where she began to unpack her things. When she came across a pair of blue jeans and one of Jed's t-shirts that she managed to take from his closet, she decided to change into them.

As soon as she finished unpacking her items, she walked back into the main room, into the living room. She looked around, then headed out the door.

Walking through the abandoned trails that used to be filled with so much life, so much greenery, she began to get depressed. That's when she came up to an old oak tree a good ten feet from a lake. Crawling up next to it, she found a rock on the ground and skipped it into the water.

This is what she needed. She needed to be alone. She needed the beauty of the outdoors. She needed to be right here, in her special spot.

Her and Jed's special spot.

TBC

  


	4. Strength To Carry On 4

Strength to Carry On

by AJ

Jed carried that letter around with him as he walked through the halls of the West Wing. From time to time he would stop and read some of it.

"Hey. . .You probably realized I'm not here anymore. . .I had to get away. I'm sorry I left so abruptly. I just needed to get away. I need to think. I need to be alone. I hope you understand that." Jed read silently in his head, impersonating his best Abbey voice as he did so.

Giving out a sigh, Jed continued on his walk. He didn't have any destination. He just felt like walking.

One way or another, Jed found himself in the Oval Office. Guess that's just the one place he was used to be in, when not in the residence. Entering the room, he kept the lights off, there was enough coming in from the many windows and doors.

Sitting down on his chair at his desk, he continued to read the letter in his best Abbey voice. "I won't be gone for long. Just a day or two. I should be back by Friday at the latest. I need to get my head on straight. And I don't want to be snapping at you when I try to do so. I suppose that try is the operative word there."

Jed got up from the chair and moved over to a window, staring out at the green grass in front of him. "I need to figure out how I feel about me having cancer. I think I know, but I'm not sure. That's why I've gone away. I need to think. I need to think about life. About how the world works. Why this has happened to me."

Getting enough of a sight of the green grass, Jed moved on to lay down on a couch of his. "I know you keep saying that it's all going to work out. And you say that not much will change between us, and what does change will be for the better. I hope that's true. Don't worry about me, I'll be home soon. I love you, Jed. I love you."

When Jed put the letter down, he thought about what it said. She needed to be alone. She needed to think. He knew exactly where she went.

She went to their special place.

To the same place they always went if one of them was sad or happy or mad and needed to be alone. She went to the cabin in Virginia where they spent their first anniversary.

She needed to be alone. He needed to be with her.

TBC


	5. Strength To Carry On 5

Strength to Carry On

by AJ

An hour later, Abbey was still sitting on the hard ground beneath the oak tree. Right beneath the heart where JB & AB Forever was carved into the tree trunk. For the past forty minutes or so, Abbey had been sleeping. She was so exhausted, that's how she knew the prognosis was right.

Hearing the sound of leaves crumble due to footsteps, Abbey's eyes flew open. She spun around to be face to face with Jed.

Jed didn't say anything, he just crawled down onto the hard earth, next to his wife. He moved his head so that he could see the heart carved into the tree. He grabbed a hold of Abbey's hand. As their hands got closer to the trunk, Jed picked her index finger out and he traced the word forever that they had carved into the tree almost thirty-three years ago.

When Jed let go of her hand, she used it to brush her hair out of her face. Jed watched as she did so, then turned and faced the lake.

It was such a beautiful sight to see. Both her, and the lake.

Sitting next to her husband, she elected to reach her hand out and take a hold of his. As she grasped onto it, she moved around so that she was laying flat on her back, with her head in his lap.

As much as she thought she needed to be alone, by herself, what she really needed was to be alone, with him.

No President. No Fist Lady. No country to run. No staff members to bug them. Just them. The two of them, alone.

The two of them, alone. Alone off the shore of the lake. Alone next to the tree where they carved their initials like a bunch of high school teenagers. Alone, together.

No words were needed. No words were spoken.

As Abbey lay there, in his lap, he lovingly tucked her hair behind her ear. He repeated this action, over and over. It wasn't that there was any hair left to be tucked behind her ear, he just needed to touch her.

Feeling safe, feeling comfortable, Abbey was able to close her eyes and drift off to sleep.

TBC

  


	6. Strength To Carry On 6

Strength to Carry On

by AJ

Hours later, Abbey woke up in Jed's arms. She rose into a sitting position as she looked at him. He had fallen asleep. Seeing this, she laid back down and rested her head back in the same spot.

Turning her attention to the lake, she felt a chill move through her body.

Jed's eyes shot open as he was awoken from his peaceful, somber sleep. He felt a chill go through his body.

When Jed's eyes opened, they found Abbey's.

"Hey." Jed quietly said.

"Hey yourself." She responded just as quiet.

"I hope you're not mad."

"On the contrary, I'm glad you are here. As much as I tried to tell myself I needed to be alone, what I really needed, was to be with you. I'm glad you came."

"You realize we haven't been here since I became President?" Jed looked out at the lake when he said so.

Abbey shook her head, as another chill ran through her body. Immediately, she sat up and brought her arms together and wrapped them around herself in an attempt to warm herself up.

Jed watched this. He watched her. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. Carefully, he reached out and brought her closer, into his body.

"Thanks. I was getting kind of cold."

"You wanna go back now? It's getting late, and it's going to start to cool down some more."

"I want to stay here for a little longer, if that's okay with you."

"Your wish is my command." Jed gazed into her eyes as she gave out a slight chuckle. "What is this? A laugh?"

Abbey rolled her eyes back and shook her head at him. "I love you, Josiah Bartlet."

"I love you, Abigail Bartlet."

~~~

A few minutes passed before either of them spoke again. "Maybe we should go in now." Abbey suggested.

"Okay." Jed stood up and then helped Abbey up to her feet.

The two walked back to the log cabin, hand in hand.

When they got there, Abbey went back into the bedroom, "I'm gonna take a bath. A nice hot bubble bath."

"Want company?" Jed raised his eyebrows as he grinned as innocent as a little schoolboy.

"How can I say no to that face?" Abbey reached out for her husband's hand and led him into the bathroom.

TBC

  


	7. Strength To Carry On 7

Strength to Carry On

by AJ

The next morning, Jed and Abbey were still laying in bed when 9:30 a.m. came along. They were both awake, and were both aware that the other was awake, but they weren't really talking.

Jed cautiously moved his arm tighter around his wife as he turned over to his side.

"You need to go back, don't you?" Abbey asked as she welcomed the tightened grip around her.

"I don't want to." Jed replied.

"But you have to, don't you?"

"I never told anyone I was leaving. Leo is probably running around like a chicken without a head, trying to find me. So yeah, I probably should go back. What about you?"

"I think I'm gonna stay up here for another day or two. I think the tranquility that this place is so rich with, is what I need right now." Abbey said as she heard Jed sigh. "What is it? You've had something on your mind since you got here yesterday, I know. I can tell."

"Yeah, I do."

"Want to share?" Abbey asked as she turned to face her husband.

Pulling her body into his, it was a few moments before he spoke. "Your doctor called again yesterday, after you left. He wants to talk about treatment."

"Okay." Abbey quietly replied.

"You're okay with this?"

"As long as I have you by my side, I think I will be okay with it, yeah."

"Well that's good, cause you're stuck with me." Jed smiled as he kissed her neck.

"That's one thing I don't mind being stuck with." Abbey took Jed's head in her hands. She then proceeded to ever so tenderly kiss him on the lips. ~~~ Friday came, and Abbey returned from her vacation.

No, it wasn't a vacation.

She did a lot of work, she was searching for something. For her courage. For the strength to carry on.

Did she find it? She was about to find out.

Jed and Abbey walked through the halls of the hospital. When they got to their destination point, Abbey hesitated to enter. As she stopped dead in her tracks, she began to shudder with fear.

Maybe she didn't find the strength to carry on.

Jed had begun to open the door when he realized what was happening. He slowly took the step over to Abbey and through his arms around her. "I'm here for you, babe. I'm here."

Jed's words soothed Abbey and in deed gave her the strength she needed to walk through that door in front of her, and enter into the doctor's office.

Was that really what that door was for?

Or was it a symbol?

Crossing the threshold of the door was a symbol. It solidified her newly found courage. Something she desperately needed as she listened to what the doctor on the other side was about to tell her.

TBC...

  


	8. Strength To Carry On 8

Strength to Carry On

by AJ

Within the next week, Abbey was put to the test, as she had to endure some of the most stressful times in her life.

She had to tell her daughters that she was going to have surgery. She had to tell them that she was going to have to go through chemotherapy. She had to get in front of the White House press corps and tell them she had cancer. She had to stand there and answer their questions. She had to put on her best smile and pretend that everything was okay.

Was it really okay?

Could it be okay?

It has already been a week since she walked into the doctor's office and found out that she would be having surgery.

Surgery.

Surgery to get rid of the malignant tumor.

Tumor. Cancer. That's what she had. And it was malignant.

Now she was sitting on a table, getting sliced into. They were trying to remove the cancerous cells from her body before they had a chance to spread to other parts of her body. Once this was over with, she'd have to go through an even harder time.

Chemotherapy.

What if it made her sick? It doesn't have the same effects on everyone. But many people get sick from it. And...

Hair...

Their hair falls out.

Would Abbey loose her hair? Would she become so sick that she no longer wanted to live? Many people with cancer do.

But then, many people with cancer, on chemotherapy also go on to live long normal, happy lives.

Which road would Abbey travel?

It was like that poem. The Road less traveled, by Robert Frost.

*Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,* Abbey could either let the cancer control her, or she could fight to control the cancer.

*And sorry I could not travel both* Was she really sorry? She knew which path she wanted. But could she take it?

*And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that, the passing there Had worn them really about the same,*

One road open to Abbey was sure to be bumpy. Full of all sorts of monsters, potholes, fallen trees, and debris. The other road would be a lot better. It'd be a nice clean, clear road. Nothing in the way.

*And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.*

Abbey had the strength to carry on now. With Jed by her side, she had the strength to endure the road less traveled by. She could do it. She knew she could.

Now, the question is, does she have to?

What road is she going to take?

THE END


End file.
